So I just bought an annual household membership to RESOLVE’s Bay State chapter. For $55, it’s not a bad deal. Larry and I are planning to go to their Annual Conference on November 7. Since we’re in a state where actively pursing any kind of family building is just not an option right now, this is probably the best way to direct my restless energies: gathering info about DE, adoption, coping, and the like. Meeting other people face to face who understand, who get it.
In joining however, it’s bittersweet. I’m glad I’ve got organizational support, but I’m sad that I need to belong to this group at all. Mentally, I’m probably in the best place I’ve been so far in this whole journey. I recognize and acknowledge my continued grieving, I allow myself the fears of failure, but I give myself time to hope and get excited at possibilities for the future. I still keep a running list of names in my head. I still cringe at Facebook announcements.
But I’m ok with all of this. I’ve accepted it. And now it’s a matter of how do I fit this into my life- do I let it define me, or do I place it into the greater context of how I live my life on a daily basis?
In other news – the new dose of Levoxyl seems to be working quite well. I’ll have b/w in a few weeks to see how it’s doing. Energy is up, and for the first autumn in probably close to 10 years, I don’t seem to be succumbing to SAD (seasonal affective disorder). Usually, I get it bad right around Yom Kippur, and this year, not so much.
Also, I promise to post about our fantabulous trip to Japan later this week, for Mel’s Show & Tell 🙂