For the record: hypothyroidism BLOWS. A ranty thyroid post ahead.
And of course, my half-Japanese* self gets the fancy Hashimoto’s variation, where my body slowly eats away at my thyroid, leaving an endocrinological nightmare in its wake.
*Being half-Japanese has nothing to do with whether or not one gets Hashimoto’s – I just think it’s ironically clever given my ethnicity.
Let’s take a look at my updated Thyroid Rollercoaster™, shall we?
That nice little valley that touches the zero line all the way to the right? Yeah, that would be my TSH value from November 8th: a whopping 0.09. Technically, I was so hyperthyroid that I had Grave’s disease (Hashimoto’s polar opposite). It would also explain why I’ve probably lost as much weight as I have instead of gaining yet in this pregnancy.
And that super high peak just before the chart ends? That was my TSH two days ago. Wait for it, wait for it: 7.51. That’s officially the highest TSH I’ve ever had since I’ve been keeping track of it in early 2009. So, in a span of just 33 days, I managed to go from barely detectable TSH levels (meaning super hyperthyroid) to TSH levels that are through the roof (meaning super hypothyroid).
(And yes, I know 7.51 is actually super low compared to other folks with Hashi’s but still… it’s the extreme high end of my own personal set of values.)
All those little peaks and valleys that are getting closer and closer together? Those have been the last 4 months of my life. Pregnancy and the addition of extra hormones like Crinone, Prometrium and estradiol pills and estrogen patches? Yeah. Tends to throw everything off on top of it all. My TSH was golden in early September, before our cycle: a comfortable 0.50. Symptomatically, I felt great. Everything was on its A game.
And every month since then, it’s been a TSH crapshoot.
And as such, I feel like poo. That’s putting it mildly, actually. It’s either I can’t get out of bed or I can’t fall asleep. My bowels have achieved every stage of regularity – or complete lack thereof (again, pregnancy isn’t exactly helping in this department). My appetite continues to wax and wane from periods of ravenous hunger to a complete disinterest in food. (Thankfully, the nausea is finally at bay.) My hair, which has grown like weeds, has begun shedding heavily again. Nothing like brushing your hair and seeing a handful of it still stuck to your brush. There’s the hormonally-driven crying jags (seriously, anything will set me off) but sometimes it’s hard to tell when it’s The Knish and when it’s the soul-crushing endocrinological depression that thrives off skyrocketing TSH values. Which, once that realization sinks in, causes – you guessed it – more crying jags.
Oh, and seasonal affective disorder. Let’s just throw that into the mix while we’re at it.
Some small relief: no more Prometrium, estradiol pills or patches as of two days ago. It’s the first time both ass cheeks will get to breathe fresh air for the first time in four months. And I get to stop the Crinone on Monday. Too bad douching is out of the question because if I could shoot a firehose up there and purge out the leftover goop for good, I would.
So… there you have it. I am (once again) at the mercy of my thyroid. I am (once again) posting after a long stretch of radio silence bitching about said thyroid. I am (once again) woefully unproductive due to said thyroid and have a huge pile of things I need to do, both here and outside of this space. Let’s not talk about the disaster that is my house, let alone the 5 or 6 blog posts I have sitting my drafts queue waiting to be finished. And, as I’ve been coyly hinting for a couple of weeks, I’ve got big plans in 2013 for The Infertility Voice.
But right now, all I want to do is sleep and not feel like poo 24 hours a day. Well, 22 hours a day. I usually get two solid hours each day where everything feels like rainbows and unicorns.
I will continue to fight through this as best I can. I’m trying to post at least once daily at my Facebook page if you’re looking for a little more frequency from me.
And tomorrow, I’m going to join Kathy’s Time Warp Tuesday a whole three days late and show off something entirely “non-pregnancy, non-infertility let’s just have some fun already” related. Hint: it will include a musical instrument, hopefully with a short video. Because I need to cheer the fuck up and I’m sure you’d like to read something a little cheery from me as well.